


Mieru

by uzumaki_rakku



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Eventual Romance, Gen, M/M, Post-War, Romance, Romangst, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 21:34:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13983771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uzumaki_rakku/pseuds/uzumaki_rakku
Summary: Post-war slow-burn.“Listen. You are not obligated to love anyone just because they love you and are willing to die for you.”Naruto stared at him with wide eyes, and Kakashi’s breath caught in his throat. He found himself unable to look away from those eyes that were, as always, that devastating shade of purest blue, brighter and more vivid than even the most radiant summer sky.





	Mieru

**Author's Note:**

> Post-war slow-burn. Will most likely be a very long fic. It started off as just an idea for a scene - which has been posted under SIYLM as a sort of deleted scene / prologue to this fic - where Naruto asks Kakashi why he's being stingy with using that eye, and Kakashi (after much pestering) says... well, you'll have to find out in later chapters. But, as with most of my fics / fic ideas, it grew to monstrous length. I've got a really interesting direction that I want to take it in, though, so... here's hoping I can get there!
> 
> I've been sitting on this draft for way to long, so here's the first chapter. ^^

"Hey, Naruto!"

"Yeah?" the blond who was walking down the street stopped and turned at the sound of his name. "What's up, Sakura-chan?"

"I need to ask you something," the pink-haired medic said, eyes serious. "Is there a problem with Kakashi-sensei's eye?"

He looked at her blankly. "Which one?"

"The one you gave him, obviously!" At Naruto's look of surprise, she elaborated, "We had a meeting this morning about improving the hospital's system and I noticed he wasn't using it – he even had it covered with his headband. And when I tried to ask him about it he was all _hmm, you said something?"_

"Uh, were you really expecting any other answer from Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto couldn't help but ask.

Sakura eyeballed him in annoyance. "Oh, shut up. Anyway, after that he left to see Gai-sensei and I had other work to do, so now I'm asking you about it."

"You checked it yourself last time, didn't you? I'm completely sure I didn't mess anything up – I don't mess up important things – so there's no way that eye is giving him trouble." Naruto frowned, thinking. "I've spent a lot of time with him for village stuff and other stuff lately and he was using both eyes during those times. And I didn't detect any abnormalities in his chakra so maybe he just... forgot?"

"You keep track of the state of sensei's chakra?" Sakura stared at him, and Naruto felt his face heat up for some reason.

"T-that's not weird, is it? I mean, he went through a lot during the war and he's pretty much the Hokage now so it's perfectly natural for me to keep an eye on him! It'd be super lame if he got attacked or injured or something while I'm around!" He flailed, as Sakura raised a delicate eyebrow. "Definitely not weird at all. Nope. Not weird."

Sakura seemed like she wanted to comment, but in the end she just rolled her eyes. "Well, ask him about it when you get the chance. It's hard to get him to say anything about it, since the topic's still a bit… you know," she made a vague hand gesture, to convey that it was a sensitive thing to discuss.

"You're the only one he might actually give a proper answer to, since you're..." another vague hand gesture, "Kind of involved in the whole thing, so I'll leave it to you. And don't forget your next check-up for that arm!"

"Yeah, yeah…" Naruto grumbled after his teammate's retreating back, absently rubbing his right arm. It was still new, and he would need to put in some serious effort before it was as easy and natural to use as his original one. At least he still had chakra limbs at his disposal, something he utilized to great effect giving some would-have-been assassins a nasty surprise when they tried to ambush Kakashi on the outskirts of the village.

That was one week ago, when Naruto was still missing an arm, and the inability to form hand seals for his signature jutsu had probably given some people the idea that the Hokage's unofficial bodyguard would be open to attack. Naruto's response to such audacity was to instantly bust out full bijuu mode complete with all nine tails, plus six chakra arms, and beat them into the ground. (Kurama was not impressed that he was rudely woken up from his nap to deal with what he deemed as small fry, but Kakashi seemed amused – if a little exasperated – by Naruto's overkill which made everything totally worth it.)

Grinning slightly at the memory, Naruto glanced at the sky and decided to invite Kakashi for dinner later in the evening. It was a little too late in the afternoon for lunch, and there was something else he had planned to do…

.

The graveyard was empty of living visitors when he got there, awkwardly holding a basket of mixed zinnias. He had taken a route through the village that he had often used in his childhood, as it kept him from being seen by other people, but it had also given him no time to think about what he was going to say when he got there.

Naruto bent down to place the flowers on the gravestone, and felt something lock up in his throat as he stared at the name inscribed upon it.

There were too many thoughts in his head.

.

Kakashi's footsteps came to a halt when he noticed that another person had arrived at the graveyard before him. He hesitated, half wanting to turn around and come back another time. But even from where he stood, he could see the tension evident in Naruto's posture – shoulders held in a stiff line, hands clenched into fists at his sides, and head bowed at an angle that was going to become quite uncomfortable even if he did not realise it yet.

Those were all things Kakashi himself was painfully familiar with.

He closed the book in his hand with a soft snap and placed it back into his weapons pouch. With his hands in his pockets Kakashi slowly walked towards Naruto, giving him ample time to leave if he did not wish for company.

.

The approach of a familiar chakra presence pulled Naruto out of his swirling thoughts. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm his emotions, unclenching his hands and letting his shoulders relax slightly. As the footsteps drew nearer he opened his eyes again, and bent down to shift a few flowers which had fallen to the side in the light evening breeze.

"I hope to see you again in the Pure Land," he finally said, and was relieved when his voice only shook a little. "And even if that doesn't happen, then…"

His fingers brushed over the cold stone, gently tracing the name engraved above the Konoha symbol.

Hyuuga Neji

"If you're reincarnated someday," he murmured softly. "Let's be friends again."

Naruto half turned around from where he was crouched on one knee, and tilted his head up to give the person standing nearby a small smile.

"Heya, Kakashi-sensei."

"Yo," Kakashi replied in a quiet voice, stepping closer and bending forwards slightly as he offered a hand. Naruto took it with his right hand, careful to apply the right amount of force with the still-new prosthesis, and let himself be pulled back upright.

He thought he might have felt Kakashi squeeze his hand for the fraction of a second before releasing it, because there had been the brief feeling of a firm but gentle pressure, and somehow it made him feel a little better.

"Thanks," he said, and Kakashi hummed in response, closing his eyes for a moment as he smiled.

Naruto's gaze lingered on the scar over Kakashi's left eye, and the beginning of a question tumbled out of his mouth before he could properly think it over.

"Kakashi-sensei, do you…" he hesitated, but the older man just looked at him patiently. "Do you feel the same way? About Obito, I mean, after everything that has happened..."

Kakashi dropped his gaze and shrugged helplessly.

Naruto bit his lip and glanced away as well, looking back at the gravestone. "It's been so long, and yet sometimes... no, most times, actually... I wonder if it would've been better if he didn't consider me his friend."

Guilt and regret began to creep back into his heart as he finally admitted to the thoughts that had consistently returned to haunt him, ever since the end of the war. He could feel Kakashi watching him, but stared at the ground instead of looking up to meet those eyes.

"And… and it all makes me feel like I'm an utterly horrible person to think that way, but maybe then he wouldn't have taken that attack – I never wanted him to – I'd rather he lived – should've just let that hit me – I'm not –"

Kakashi abruptly reached out and grabbed Naruto with both hands, pulling him into a tight hug. Naruto clung to him like a drowning man, shaking, as the remainder of his words were lost in sobs buried against Kakashi's shoulder.

There were a lot of things Kakashi wanted to tell him in that moment, like please don't say such things and it's not your fault and I'd do the same for you, yet he said none of them.

In the end all he could do was to hold Naruto close and offer what comfort he could, to let the young man lean on him and cry where no one else would see.

Kakashi closed his eyes and said, softly, "I understand."

"I know," came Naruto's muffled reply, spoken so quietly that it was almost inaudible.

The last rays of the setting sun gradually faded away, and eventually Kakashi slackened his grip so Naruto would be able pull away whenever he wanted to. Everything would go back to normal after that, for Naruto would rub his head sheepishly and apologise for his breakdown while Kakashi would tell him it was all fine, and then they could occupy themselves with other matters and put the episode behind them.

Except that was not what happened at all.

For some reason or another Naruto was still not letting go, and it was causing Kakashi increasing alarm. Because if Naruto remained in such close proximity, there was a very real danger that Kakashi would say something he had resolved never to mention again. He was suddenly terrified that he would become attached – too attached – to the illusory, ephemeral intimacy of that moment, and want something he could not have.

Someone he could not have.

And yet that intoxicating feeling of having that person so close to him, warm and solid and real, made him incapable of mustering the willpower to physically pull himself away or push Naruto back.

Completely at a loss for what to do next, Kakashi found himself bringing up the first thing that came to his mind. "Neji wasn't the only person who values your life above his own, you know."

Naruto was so startled by those words that he immediately pulled back to stare at Kakashi, who continued, "Even if Neji hadn't jumped in at that time to take the hit, someone else would have – and did."

Naruto's confusion cleared, but something in his expression closed off, becoming unhappy and distant.

"I didn't want her to do it either," Naruto said dully.

Kakashi said nothing. Naruto's reaction had made him unsure of whether he had gone too far with that reminder, and overstepped an invisible boundary into things he had no right to comment upon. An uncomfortable silence fell between them, and Naruto fidgeted while Kakashi awkwardly stuck his hands in his pockets.

Eventually Naruto sighed, ran a hand through his hair distractedly, and spoke.

"I just don't know what I'm supposed to do." He paused, and seemed to have difficulty in continuing.

"About what, Naruto?" Kakashi prompted gently.

"About… well, it's just…" Naruto threw his hands into the air in frustration, and then all the words started pouring out in a rush. "Everyone seems like they're expecting me and her to, I dunno, be together? Sometimes they ask me about it like they're joking, but also not really? And, it's just, the truth is, I've been avoiding her recently because I feel like I should do something, but I keep hesitating and I don't know why, but then I remember how both of them jumped in front of me that time and – I feel like I owe them something, owe her something."

Kakashi's stared at him with wide eyes, once again feeling highly alarmed but for an entirely different reason from before. He knew full well that he was in no way an objective third party in that situation, given his own feelings, but the thoughts and emotions that Naruto was confessing to him all pointed towards a state of mind that he was only too familiar with.

"I…" Naruto bit his lip, then forced himself to keep talking because he knew he would never get another chance at this. If he stopped himself before he could fully open up about everything that was on his mind, then he would never again be able to speak of those things to anyone else. It was now or never.

"I don't know if I really like… if I really love her, but I keep feeling like I… should? And how do I even know whether I love her or not anyway? It's – it's not like I really know anything about love in the first place, so… I…" He shook his head, hunching his shoulders and drawing his arms closer to himself as the evening air suddenly felt very cold.

"Naruto."

He did not respond to the voice softly calling his name. His cheeks were burning with shame at having admitted to the source of his greatest uncertainties, and he could not bear to look up and see that Kakashi's concern had transformed into pity.

"Please look at me, Naruto."

He shook his head again, and heard Kakashi sigh. A gloved hand reached towards his face, gently wiping away the tear-tracks on his cheeks – he hadn't even realised that he had started crying again, god he really was pathetic – before lifting his chin so he had to look straight into Kakashi's eyes.

Naruto found himself unable to turn away.

There was no judgment or disappointment in Kakashi's eyes, only understanding, and some part of Naruto's brain abruptly stopped working as he was struck by a sudden thought.

He has really kind eyes...

"Listen," Kakashi said, and something about the quiet earnestness of his voice made Naruto's heart beat faster in his chest. "You are not obligated to love anyone just because they love you and are willing to die for you."

Naruto stared at him with wide eyes, and Kakashi's breath caught in his throat. He found himself unable to look away from those eyes that were, as always, that devastating shade of purest blue, brighter and more vivid than even the most radiant summer sky.

Some of the doubts clouding Naruto's expression cleared as he thought over Kakashi's words, yet he still did not seem entirely convinced. Kakashi sighed again, cleared his throat, and added softly, "I would gladly lay down my life to protect yours should it be necessary, but you won't feel compelled to love me, would you?"

The most indecipherable expression came over Naruto's face, before he gave an exclamation so loud it sent birds flying from the neighbouring trees.

"WHAT – "

Kakashi winced at the volume. Naruto continued to splutter.

"But why would you – but I – what."

"Um?" Kakashi said weakly. Surely Naruto's reaction had been a little extreme…

Meanwhile, Naruto's mind was racing as he tried to sort out his thoughts while also having what amounted to an internal freak out.

So, okay, maybe Kakashi was right and he didn't have to feel like he should love anyone just because they loved him, but…

Why did his heart just stop when Kakashi said he was willing to die for Naruto?

And for some reason, hearing such words from Kakashi gave him a completely different feeling from when Hinata was mentioned earlier, which had been… a sort of sinking uncertainty, and guilt.

What made Kakashi so different from all the others, that he could make Naruto feel this way?

"Oh," Naruto said, faintly.

"Naruto?" Kakashi prodded cautiously, wondering if he had said too much and made his former student uncomfortable.

"Oh," Naruto said again, blinking. "I… see. I'm going to have to think over some stuff."

Kakashi scratched his head in bemusement as he watched Naruto adopt a thinking pose and start walking away. I have absolutely no idea what is going on, but at least he seems less upset…

Then Naruto abruptly spun around after taking ten steps, marched back to where Kakashi was still standing, and leaned in to peer at him closely.

Kakashi swallowed, leaning back a little. "Yes?"

"Dinner," Naruto said firmly, grabbing onto Kakashi's arm and pulling him forward. "I almost forgot. Let's go."

Kakashi stumbled at the unexpected force, completely bewildered by what was going on. "Naruto, what do you mean by dinner – "

Naruto continued pulling. "I meant you're coming with me and we're going to have dinner, obviously!"

"What, now?" Kakashi tried and failed to extract his arm from Naruto's grip. "Did you just decide that?"

Naruto huffed, half-turning to give Kakashi a look of exasperation. "Yes, now, since it's dinner hour and all. And I actually decided this earlier today, but almost forgot because of everything else that was going on. Come on, come on, let's go already!"

He yanked, but Kakashi yanked back. "Wait, don't I get a say in this?"

"No," came the flat reply. "Because there's stuff I gotta ask you about and you'll just go off without answering if I don't make you sit down and talk. Properly. Like a normal person."

Kakashi made another noise of protest and tried to dig in his heels, alarmed by the prospect of having to answer questions instead of evading them. "Can't we do this another day and time? I'll even treat you to Ichiraku's if you want –"

Naruto suddenly stopped, and only years of shinobi training kept Kakashi from losing his balance.

"Actually," Naruto said in a very odd voice. "I was going to find some place that serves… rice."

Kakashi grabbed onto Naruto's shoulder with his free hand, and turned the other around to face him.

His earlier resistance replaced by concern at such uncharacteristic behaviour, Kakashi looked deep into Naruto's eyes and asked, "Are you okay?"

Naruto went bright red. "FINE! I'm fine. Completely fine." He released his grip on Kakashi's wrist and crossed his arms, scowling. "It's not that weird for me to suggest something other than ramen, okay?"

"Well…" Kakashi said slowly. Naruto went even redder with indignation, and glared.

"Oi, you were the one who told me not to eat ramen all the time!"

"Yes, yes," Kakashi raised his hands in a placating gesture, trying not to laugh. "You just seemed… a little out of sorts when you suggested that, so I was concerned."

"If you really must know," Naruto muttered, uncrossing his arms and extending his right arm, palm up, for Kakashi to see. "I can't really use chopsticks yet."

"Ah," Kakashi said.

Naruto shrugged. "It's no big deal, I'll figure it out eventually."

The prudent thing to do in that situation, Kakashi knew, was to acquiesce to Naruto's dinner request and then distract him during the meal so he would forget to ask whatever troublesome questions he had come up with. It was a viable plan. Naruto could be very determined and very insistent, but given enough time and enough deflections by Kakashi, he should be able to – eventually – turn Naruto's attention to other matters. Matters that were much worthier of Naruto's interest, and not in any way related to Kakashi.

It was, Kakashi thought, a fairly good plan. Which was why the next thing that came out of his mouth was—

"Would you like me to help you?"

Naruto blinked. Kakashi bid a silent farewell to his self-control.

"With… what?" Naruto asked, completely caught by surprise.

That was his final chance to back out, Kakashi knew, so of course he threw it away completely:

"With using chopsticks."

And then, because if he was going to dig his own grave he may as well do it the whole way, "Like the last time you couldn't use your right arm."

Naruto's face lit up, with such distracting radiance that Kakashi completely forgot to sidestep the flying tackle hug which came immediately after.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI," Naruto declared happily, while Kakashi nearly had a heart attack. "I ADORE YOU."

Poof.

Naruto was left holding an armful of air as Kakashi swiftly Shunshin'd out, coughed, and tried to bring his heartbeat back to a normal pace. "You always exaggerate about ramen," he said, looking anywhere but at Naruto.

"Ehehehe…" Naruto rubbed the back of his head, looking sheepish. "Shall we go then?"

"Yes, Naruto," Kakashi sighed, resigning himself to his fate.

**Author's Note:**

> Kakashi... good luck with the slow burn. It's going to take a while.
> 
> I'd love to hear your thoughts about this chapter, so do leave a comment! Even a ":D" "D:" or a keysmash would be much appreciated. Love you all~
> 
> -fuurin


End file.
